Love/Hate Relationship

I am currently having a love/hate relationship with my boobs… The closer it comes to having them considerably downsized the more I worry about the emotional element of surgery and the big question, what if I don’t like them???

Men especially always ask me ‘why are you doing it?’ following with things like ‘but I love your boobs’ or ‘it’s like slapping god in the face’, which then gets me thinking what if men won’t like me if I downsize?

I initially decided on having my boobs reduced because I have THE WORST back pain, a constant ache at the base of my back that just never seems to go away, and also it would be really nice if I could just walk into a shop, find a dress I like and buy it knowing it will fit. But then I get to thinking, sometimes my boobs actually look really good in clothes, sometimes they actually make me feel sexy, so what happens if I lose my sex appeal post op? Can it be taken out by the surgeon’s knife or is it something that is embedded deeper?

I also really hate my boobs when I am braless. I mean, I am 21, I should be able to go out on holiday and not worry that my boobs look more like cows udders than perfectly formed breasts without a bra on. The problem with having really, really big boobs is that they are heavy and then there is bloody Newton and his apple dragging them down until they hit the floor.

I read about things like post surgery depression and wonder if this will be me. I have never done anything this drastic before, when I lose weight I tend to slim down get to a certain point and then quit, so I have never known what it is like to be slim. I don’t actually think I will ever be slim which is one of my biggest concerns about the surgery. I currently have an hourglass figure (yes the glass may be overflowing with sand but it is still an hourglass) so if I downsize on the top then I am going to have to downsize on the bottom too, which requires more than just the skill of a surgeon. It requires a lot of motivation and a shed loads of hard work.

 vs 

I look at images and compare the difference between the beautiful Christina Hendricks versus the Candice Swanepoel and struggle to choose which I would rather look like. Both are absolutely incredible but realistically, I am never going to be Candice and am never going to be truly happy being Christina, so where is the happy medium?

A friend of mine recently had her breast reduction surgery and she tells me how much her life has changed, how much more confident she feels, how much lighter she feels and how much more determined she is to lose the rest of the weight. This does give me some hope however everyone is different, so I will just have to wait and see.

I started gaining weight from when I left school up until now. I began uni with a relatively okay figure but the freshers 15 found me and brought along 15 of their friends! This blog is supposed to be open and honest (without judgement from readers) so this is a picture of my body pre uni –

I am still no slim jim but my stomach was flatter and my boobs were still HUGE. All of the doctors assume that my boobs are as a result of obesity, get even when I was relatively slim I still had these gigantic lumps on my chest. I look back on these photos and still don’t remember being happy with my body, for still the same reason, the dreaded boobs. So maybe they are the root of my problem, slim them down and I will finally be happy with my body. That logic works, right?

Being big boobed and beautiful was hard this week.

Strap em up and shove em in!

Wrestling with the twins in the bane of my life, forcing them to fit into dresses that fit the rest of my body but not my lady lumps. Well Saturday night was our annual university sports awards so trying to find a dress that I would feel confident in surrounded by size 8 sports women was a struggle! There were many, many failed attempts, Pepperberry, a specially designed big boobed clothing range came up with nothing, I even tried TOWIE star Gemma Collins clothing range (for those who know me, this would be a shock!) Finally, I came up trumps in a shop that I thought would be the least likely to have a dress to fit my ample bosom. I found this GORGEOUS dress from Coast and although there was a serious fight and some huge help from my best friend to squeeze me into it, the outcome made my boobs look SO much smaller! Yes the dress is a size 18, but who said curvy women can’t look nice?

Fresh from a recent visit to my family in Mauritius, it’s not just about finding a dress that fits it’s about one that matches your skin tone, your personality and your accessories! (A little help from our friends at MAC never goes a miss either!)

One of my best friends and blogger Veronica Melkonian

Many of my beautiful blonde friends with their amazing bodies and amazing dresses.

This is a tactic I opt for often, women with bigger boobs often consider them as their best asset and find any excuse to get them out (well, if you’ve got em flaunt em) but I prefer to hide them away. So, if you want my advice this is how I go about it. Normally (if I actually start looking for a dress in advance) then I either find one I love and have it tailored or find one I love and get it copied. This was last years colours ball dress, which you will notice also has a high neckline. This one was made for me, but still wasn’t expensive. The tip is to find an amazing tailor and stick to them like glue, the longer you use them for the better the discounts you get!

I know this blog is supposed to be focused around celebrating curvier women and my own pursuit of happiness but I would like to share with you some of the best dad advice I have ever seen, ever since reading this my own views on how I dress have changed dramatically.

An incident transpired when Muhammad Ali’s daughters arrived at his home wearing clothes that were quite revealing.
Here is the story as told by one of his daughters:
“When we finally arrived, the chauffeur escorted my younger sister, Laila, and me up to my father’s suite. As usual, he was hiding behind the door waiting to scare us. We exchanged many hugs and kisses as we could possibly give in one day.
My father took a good look at us. Then he sat me down on his lap and said something that I will never forget. He looked me straight in the eyes and said, “Hana, everything that God made valuable in the world is covered and hard to get to.
Where do you find diamonds? Deep down in the ground, covered and protected.
Where do you find pearls? Deep down at the bottom of the ocean, covered up and protected in a beautiful shell.
Where do you find gold? Way down in the mine, covered over with layers and layers of rock. You’ve got to work hard to get to them.”
He looked at me with serious eyes. “Your body is sacred. You’re far more precious than diamonds and pearls, and you should be covered too.”

This epitomizes to me one of the issues I have with today’s society. Women are proud and confident in their bodies and that is something to be celebrated, but women need to learn to dress their bodies in a way that is respectful too. The female form is beautiful and should be cherished, it’s either boobs out or legs out girlies, never both!

So whether you decide to cover up or get them out what is most important of all is to find out who you are, your style and wear your dress with pride, after all you are BIG BOOBED AND BEAUTIFUL!

From A to B, or in my case JJ to D!

WARNING: This article contains images of boobs!

So, I had my first breast reduction consultation and I’M ALIVE. I was so nervous going in, would I be rejected for the surgery? Would they tell me to lose more weight and come back in a year? NO! They gave me the all clear.

After waiting for this day to come for as long as I can remember (although the wait from when I committed to the reduction and my first consultation was only two weeks) I had mixed emotions on the day.

There is a whole host of emotions that go along with having major surgery, the worries of will it look good, what will I do if it goes wrong etc, but to be honest all of my worries of the surgery are emotional. For the last 10 years I have looked like this, everyone knows me as the girl with big boobs so I worry that men wont like me anymore, or that I wont be confident. I know this seems irrational but this is honestly how I feel and I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one to have felt it. Although the reduction will reduce my cup size I still have a huge weight loss journey to go through post op!

However, on the day my doctor Dr Douglas McGeorge took me into his office, a surprisingly unhospital like room (I guess that’s a plus of private!) and asked me to sit down on a rather lavish chair in front of a large mahogany desk. I don’t know why but I was half expecting it to be a more business like affair, a come in – top off – let you know what has to be done occasion, however for the majority of the time my boobs were firmly placed in my hammock of a bra. I don’t know why I felt self conscious to begin with, this man must see boobs day in day out, I wouldn’t be surprised if his wife was completely flat chested!

So, I’m sure you want to know the details, when and how, so let me fill you in.

First of, Dr McGeorge explained to me that the amount of breast that you can remove varies dependant on the person and their initial cup size! Going in, I honestly thought that if it I wanted to I could have them completely removed in one swift move of the knife. (This is not what I wanted, it was meerly an assumption).

I have decided that for me, a DD is where I will be comfortable. Now I’m aware that to most people that a DD is a big boob size anyway but I’m 5ft 8 with a dad who is 6ft 6 and 19 stone, I was never going to be tiny and I don’t want to be out of proportion, I think women look best with curves in the right places.

For those of you who have never looked into breast reduction surgery then let me give you my simplified version of all of the medical mumbo jumbo that I had the doctor explain to me:

The surgeon starts off my making your saggy nipple look perky, (it’s about time mine stood to attention!). This is called the anchor procedure as they cut around the nipple, then out at an angle, take out the excess boob, then stitch it all up in an anchor shape. Please refer to exhibit A:

Exhibit A

If you have smaller boobs then you can have less scaring by having just a vertical scar (See exhibit B), but unfortunately there is just too much boob on my chest! I thought the scaring would really bother me but as the process has gone on I have come to realise that it will only be me and my future man seeing them, and men are usually happy if there is something to play with!

Exhibit B

So naturally as soon as I come out of the consultation I do some more research on the surgery itself (mainly the ‘what happens if it goes wrong articles’) and then out come a whole host of images. I believe that this (Exhibit C) is a pretty successful job… However I have now convinced myself that I am going to be one of the minimal percent with a complication. (I keep on picturing myself with one nipple or some sort of gangrene). I have been reassured over and over that neither of these will happen, there is always a first for something though, right?

Exhibit C

To answer the when, that is still unknown to me. I am currently finishing my second year so going back for a second consultation when I finish, hopefully the surgery will be this summer (keep your fingers and toes crossed for me!). But I will keep you all updated I promise, feel free to leave any questions you may have, or if you are in a similar boat then get in touch, it’s always nice to know when someone is going through the same thing as you.

Ciao for now my big boobed amigos!

More than a handful is definitely too much!

This is me!

I’m Hannah, a 21 year old university student with extraordinarily large breasts. I’m a 34JJ, which on anyone’s figure is pretty damn huge! Yes I am not the slimmest person, so for the majority of the time, when clothed, I look reasonably in proportion, but as the saying goes, my cup really does runneth over.

I have had this issue ever since I hit puberty, I skipped the awkward wait to grow boobs and shot straight into a porn star chest on a gawky 12 year old. I always felt like my boobs were two foreign creatures living of my body and feeding on my soul! Dramatic I know but I never truly accepted them as part of me.

All the way through high school I had boys stare, making crude jokes, trying to grope them. My hands were constantly batting away oncoming assaults from teenage boys, and occasionally the odd creepy gentleman. Every new person I met used to ask me if they were real which I always considered the most ridiculous question because how many 14 year olds do you know with breast implants?

It’s not just the boys that bothered me, it’s the clothes. I mean, never have I ever tried something on without having to think of imaginative ways to make my boobs squeeze in, getting friends to hoist up the zip whilst I turn crimson with embarrassment. There are some specialist shops that make clothes for the ‘fuller figured woman’, however, as much as they now fit, the issue is I end up looking like a 40 year old woman at a tea party.

Just to confirm, I do think big boobs can be beautiful but it’s just not for me.

So, I have decided to go for it, I have finally decided to get my boobs reduced. At 21 this was obviously a huge decision, but I literally can’t wait to get this weight of my chest (pun intended). It has come to the point now where my ninja hands need to retire from batting away oncoming hands and my eyes finally get looked at.

Throughout this blog I want to take you along my journey of the breast reduction surgery, the good, the bad and the ugly. I want to make sure that if you are in the same situation then hopefully my blog will help, I was never the type to suffer in silence. I will also reveal all about the joys of big boobed shopping, exercise and day to day life.